Long-distance relationships work best when both people go in with the same expectations. Many of the problems couples face later come from questions nobody asked at the start. You do not need perfect answers to all of these, but talking them through openly will tell you a lot about whether you are on the same page.

Communication

  • 1. How often would you like to talk, and how?
  • 2. Do you prefer calls, video, voice notes or messages?
  • 3. What times of day work best for you, given our time difference?
  • 4. How do you feel if a day goes by without much contact?
  • 5. How should we handle it when one of us is too busy to talk?
  • 6. What is the best way to tell you something is bothering me?

Visits

  • 7. How often could you realistically visit?
  • 8. How should we share travel costs?
  • 9. Would you rather have frequent short visits or fewer long ones?
  • 10. What would you like to do when we are together?
  • 11. Should we take turns traveling, or meet halfway sometimes?

Trust and boundaries

  • 12. Are we exclusive?
  • 13. What does being faithful mean to you?
  • 14. How do you feel about going out with friends, parties or dating apps while we are apart?
  • 15. What helps you feel secure when you cannot see me?
  • 16. How do you usually handle jealousy?
  • 17. Is there anything that would be a deal breaker for you?

The future

  • 18. Where do you see this relationship in a year?
  • 19. Do we have a plan to eventually live in the same place?
  • 20. Which of us might move, and what would that depend on?
  • 21. How do you feel about living in my country? Would you want me to live in yours?
  • 22. Are there work, study or family commitments that tie you to where you are?
  • 23. Have you looked into what visas or permits might be needed?

Everyday life and values

  • 24. What does a normal week look like for you?
  • 25. How involved is your family in your decisions?
  • 26. How do you feel about money, saving and spending?
  • 27. Do you want children someday?
  • 28. What role does faith or culture play in your life?

Feelings

  • 29. What worries you most about doing this long distance?
  • 30. What makes you think we can make it work?

How to use these questions

Do not fire them all off in one evening. Pick a few at a time, ideally on a relaxed video call, and treat them as conversation starters rather than a test. Share your own answers too. The point is not to find someone who answers exactly as you would, but to understand each other and spot any big differences early.

Come back to some of them later. How often you want to talk, or how you feel about moving, can change as the relationship grows. Checking in every few months keeps you aligned.

Once you have started, our guide on how to make a long-distance relationship work covers the habits that help couples stay close.