Holidays are where cultural differences stop being interesting facts and become real decisions. Whose family do you visit at the new year? Do you celebrate both festivals, one, or neither? Who cooks what? Couples who talk about this early tend to enjoy the holidays. Couples who do not tend to argue about them.

Start with what matters most to each of you

Each of you probably has one or two days that really matter and many that are nice but optional. Ask each other directly: "Which holidays would you be sad to miss? Which ones do you not mind?" The answers are often surprising, and they make the rest much easier.

Ways couples share the year

  • Alternate. One family's big holiday this year, the other's next year.
  • Split by festival. Your main holiday with your family, theirs with theirs, together for both where you can.
  • Host. Invite both families, or a mix of friends, to one celebration that blends both traditions.
  • Stay home. Some years, especially when travel is expensive, celebrate as just the two of you.

When you are long distance

If you live in different countries, holidays are often when you visit. That can mean spending the most important days with your partner's family rather than your own. Plan it together months ahead, because flights get expensive, and agree how you will mark the days you spend apart, like a video call at a set time.

Learning each other's traditions

Ask your partner to explain their holidays as they experienced them as a child: what they ate, the songs, the smells, the family arguments. That is what you are really being invited into. Trying to cook one traditional dish, or learning a greeting for the day, means a lot.

Religious holidays

If one or both holidays are religious, it helps to talk about what joining in means. Being present at a meal is different from taking part in a service. Be clear about what you are comfortable with and respect what your partner needs. Our guide to dating someone of a different religion goes deeper.

Building your own traditions

Over time, many couples create something new: a dish from each country on the same table, a small ritual on the anniversary of when you met, a holiday from one culture celebrated in the style of the other. These become the traditions that feel most like yours.

When families are disappointed

Someone will sometimes be upset that you are not there. Tell them early, explain warmly, and make a plan for when you will see them. It is much easier to hear "we will be with you at Easter next year" in September than in December.